Does one have to think that a person is the one for you?

Does it always happen that your boyfriend is not the one you are destined to be with it? I have been single for a long time and have never felt the genuine feeling of caring for someone or the least being cared for by someone.

I have seen it all (or perhaps it is the only ones that I see for now), that everything is a just a thought or logical process in the gay world to choose a partner based on lust. After sometime, everything is about thinking, routine and falling out of love quickly. But is there falling in love really.

I may sound biased and make some generalizations. It may not be exclusive to gay people and my observations may exist amongst heterosexuals as well. With the horror relationship stories that I hear from coupled gay friends, my observations and feelings around this topic are just verified.

How does one know if a person (or gay person) is your best friend? Your lover? Your "partner"? Your soul connection? Regardless of how one looks, how one's size is - big, small, fit, or unfit...is it possible that "your inner self" is known and liked first?

It is not always going to be a smooth ride always in relationships. That is a given. We are in a polarised world after all - you can't do away with positive and negative. Both makes up the person. But what makes two people tick and stick? How much of the negativity of another can one take or love?

Ordinary to Extraordinary Dating Moments

What is an extraordinary moment? Am I looking for really extraordinary dates or romantic moments - those ones I see on TV or the big screen? Do I really want a very special moment for a first date?

These things that I have mentioned are possible in real life. The question though is if I am successful finding my man or soulmate will these moments happen through the life of our relationship?

So how about meeting my first date and passing by the local pizza shop. After which, we proceed to a nearby beach and talk anything ordinary? Is the ordinary also extraordinary?

I am not pretty much hang up with big ideas about meeting someone on a first date. I want to know the other person for who and what he is so I would be able to say "yes" to his good, bad and ugly.

The issues confronting dating is that each party feels that he is going for a job interview and this is something that I don't choose to. A person has his on good points and bad points, no exceptions. Are we dreaming if we only wish for good points. Ordinary moments can be extraordinary when each party can be themselves - so fancy dinners and it could just be an hour of chatting in a cafe, a walk in the beach. It is these moments that I would truly love.

Dream of Me

I haven't found any scenes from any movie or a music between two male couples in love. Cheesy it may sound, this song really struck my heart and somehow it makes me feel so good after listening to it. Is there a masculine man who could relate to this song?

Sleeping Pursuit of Love

It's 3AM and I cannot sleep... typing... thinking.... as Melbourne is fast asleep ready for the new week ahead.

I wonder...I ponder...whether my dreams and aspiration has fallen a asleep too. I am wondering here if a genuine best friend will ever come and should I wake up all my senses including my dreams to make things happen and fall in its proper place.

Am I watching the world where people appreciate that they have partners beside them as they sleep. Am I watching the world where people say thank you and someone is looking after them. Or is sleep a temporary refuge for falling into a mistake.

Should I really be thankful that I am single or should I still hold on to my dreams of meeting the one in my life. Where are my hopes? Where is my man? Where do I go?

Should I Smell Where My Man Is?

What are the chances again for meeting my man, my soulmate after my recent disappointments. Where should I go? Should I still continue pursuing through gay chat lines? Should I go to noisy clubs? Or should I smell my way to him?

On the side light, Cool Water has been my favorite Men's Fragrance. I had the hunch that the man I was trying to pursue on the internet, is a guy who is sensual by scent. I have other Men's fragrance, but I said to myself: I think I am going to wear this when I first meet him. I am not sure now if this is going to happen and if I have to reserve this for another occasion.

It is hard to start all over again unfortunately. I wish that there is a place where I could meet my man in not the most common places or cyber places where gays go. I know of stories where a guy met his wife for the first time when the guy was trying to help an old lady cross the street. It was that moment the girl, now his wife, saw the him for who he is and not for what he looks like.

What are relationships made of? How do you start one and where you do you meet the partner in your relationship? Does one use all the senses? Should I close my eyes and start smelling?

Chatting, Being Yourself, and Disappointments

I have been chatting with an Australian guy for the past few months. I met him on one of the gay sites and "poked" on the chat lines. The conversation was short but we did not discussed anything about sex. It was all about his internet chat ID only which started the chat talk.

We continued on to chat via Microsoft Messenger. I had no expectations quite honestly but then he started to become friendly. I had questions about meeting men, boy friends, and love and I received a suggestion to have those questions over dinner.

Due to circumstances the plan was postponed. The reasons were understandable. All through out the time I was being myself.  I have serious self doubts about myself when it comes to the love front but I managed to get rid of my insecurities.  I have to admit our chats have been very pleasant.  

We only exchanged pictures.  He would know ascertain how I look like.  I would say that I "like" him.   He would blow virtual kisses and hugs to me.  He has indicated in a number of occasions that he would allow me to cuddle him. 

He is away now spending a scheduled annual leave outside of the country.  The dinner or meet up never happened before that.   He chats to me still when time permits and whenever he has the chance to grab a computer workstation to email and touch base with family. 

Now I read from our chat exchanges his eye candy moments which made me a bit jealous, sad  and disappointed.    I thought it was a way of appreciating guy until he told me that he had a bit of a close encounter with a guy who has been "overly" friendly with him.  Though he is not sure if the guy is gay or straight, the way he describe him made me even more sad. 

I have been looking for years to meet the right man.  Discreetness has its pros and cons.  But the difficulty to find a man and relying on internet chats makes it hard to uncover deep layers of truth behind one's true intentions. 

I have the tendency to blame myself for what results in my life; but I have done my homework just to make things work.  I believe I did my very best, being myself and all, but where do I go now?   

Declare your relationship

The left most image in this blog post is NOT the real advertisement but it caught my again so I decided to take a snap shot. Starting 1 July 2009, Centrelink will recognise same-sex relationships. This means that all Gays and Lesbian couples in Australia should declare their relationships to receive benefits from the government. Is this a start of same sex marriage in Australia?

It could be. Under new law under the Rudd Government, same-sex couples and their children will be treated equally in the areas of tax, superannuation, social security, health care and aged care. It is not clear to me though that property becomes conjugal after all it is not a gay marriage.

I believe it is a soft opening for gay marriage and the gay community should be thankful that it has progressed at this level. I am at this stage not comfortable with the gay marriage thing as it is an open invitation still for hurtful debates and ridicule.

I reckon this version of the law is a discreet gay marriage one.