Chatting, Being Yourself, and Disappointments

I have been chatting with an Australian guy for the past few months. I met him on one of the gay sites and "poked" on the chat lines. The conversation was short but we did not discussed anything about sex. It was all about his internet chat ID only which started the chat talk.

We continued on to chat via Microsoft Messenger. I had no expectations quite honestly but then he started to become friendly. I had questions about meeting men, boy friends, and love and I received a suggestion to have those questions over dinner.

Due to circumstances the plan was postponed. The reasons were understandable. All through out the time I was being myself.  I have serious self doubts about myself when it comes to the love front but I managed to get rid of my insecurities.  I have to admit our chats have been very pleasant.  

We only exchanged pictures.  He would know ascertain how I look like.  I would say that I "like" him.   He would blow virtual kisses and hugs to me.  He has indicated in a number of occasions that he would allow me to cuddle him. 

He is away now spending a scheduled annual leave outside of the country.  The dinner or meet up never happened before that.   He chats to me still when time permits and whenever he has the chance to grab a computer workstation to email and touch base with family. 

Now I read from our chat exchanges his eye candy moments which made me a bit jealous, sad  and disappointed.    I thought it was a way of appreciating guy until he told me that he had a bit of a close encounter with a guy who has been "overly" friendly with him.  Though he is not sure if the guy is gay or straight, the way he describe him made me even more sad. 

I have been looking for years to meet the right man.  Discreetness has its pros and cons.  But the difficulty to find a man and relying on internet chats makes it hard to uncover deep layers of truth behind one's true intentions. 

I have the tendency to blame myself for what results in my life; but I have done my homework just to make things work.  I believe I did my very best, being myself and all, but where do I go now?